I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
