She announced her abortion via fbk
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
