RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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