its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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