Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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