We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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