Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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