Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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