I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
