I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
