I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
