So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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