why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
