Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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