Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
