Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
