I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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