Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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