I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
