I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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