How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
