My liver just broke up with me...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
