"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize