she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
