If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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