I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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