Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
