I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
please don't ironically join a cult
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