Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
