I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
