I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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