with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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