Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
