After last night, I could never be a politician.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
time to smoke my breakfast
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
