I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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