hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you had me at cake vodka
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
