how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
