I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
