Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
