I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
