tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
