Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
