two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
