you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
