just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
