Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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