Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
