I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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