I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
where are my eyebrows?
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