Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We got so high we made milksteak
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
