She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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