i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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