I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize