i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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