his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
