??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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