Nicole vs. Life
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
