turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
