Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
