I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
