So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize