Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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