New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
40s are totally the cure
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
