Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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