I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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