My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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