hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
