he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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