Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
