Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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