Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
