Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
